Sunday, Nov. 13, 2011 - 7:41 p.m.
My dad died October 11th, at 0530 hrs UK time. At the time stateside I was up for a pit stop. At the same time, my twin sister was up for a pit stop in Scotland. What's really interesting is that my sister and I both felt pain in the region of our appendix at the time. After finding out that Dad died at that time, I had to believe the appendix pain was his way of saying, "I'm leaving you physically, but you can live without me being here in physicality, just as you can live without an appendix." He was always very philosophical in that way.
Dad's funeral was on Hallowe'en, which is very fitting because Hallowe'en was traditionally the Celtic new year, and Dad was proud of his Stewart Clan ancestry, as well as his Viking roots.
I have to say that I was in a fog for a good 2 weeks after Dad died, but am doing fine now. We were in touch by phone on a quasi regular basis, and were able to say our goodbyes, and to let each other know we love one another. I am comforted by the knowledge that the spirit lives on. Whatever the intricacies of our relationships with our parents, our appreciation for them is inevitably thrown into bas-relief after their passing.
I've long felt that the tapestry of our lives operates on multiple levels, with weft and weave connecting past, present and future aspects thereof. So it also felt fitting to have purchased REM's music in September, having enjoyed some late night radio music waiting for our eldest to finish band practice. I find myself listening to "Everybody Hurts" as a way of healing now. Music, of course, has long been a tool for me to reflect, to create, and to heal. Funny, as I'm purportedly 51% visual and 49% auditory! :-)
Over the past 6 months, I have come to realize that the raven is my animal totem. I feel quite an affinity for these regal creatures, and certainly intuit their protection of me and mine. I wonder if there is meaning to the fact that they thrust themselves into my consciousness this year, whether every time I see them, it is some of my ancestors letting me know they�re watching out for me. Interesting. And whether Dad is now among them.
Yours sending love, light and laughter,
Paeggan OX
